dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
