She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
