you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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