so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
