apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
