She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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