i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
