I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize