I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
