Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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