I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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