so explain again why im purple
no
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
