I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
