Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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