Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
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I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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