I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize