what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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