he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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