Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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