i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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