Cold hands, warm shart.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
