He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
