dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
