where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I believe in your delicious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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