oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
