i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
