My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
