My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize