I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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