I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
