Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
