4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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