Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
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and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize