Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
vagina is talking i cant
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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