no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
