Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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