I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
