why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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