I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
