Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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