and she was petting her beer can
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
