is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i think i just lost a toe
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
