If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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