Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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