I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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