my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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