I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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