I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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