You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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