Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
