Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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