I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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