have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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