I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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