allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
