OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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